I recently watched Free Solo, a documentary that chronicles Alex Hannolds journey to climb a 3,000 foot vertical cliff in Yosemite park known as El Capitan without the aid of a support rope. Prior to performing his attempt, he undergoes an MRI in order to study his amygdala: the brains ‘fear center’ that triggers the associated symptoms, racing heart, increased blood pressure, sweaty palms, tunnel vision, and loss of appetite.

The outcome of the study on Hannold determined that under conditions that would typically trigger a response in the amygdala for ‘normal’ test subjects Hannold’s amygdala did not fire. Despite the researchers evidence that suggested that he possessed the ability to be fearless, Hannold stated that free solo climbing does induce a state of fear.

The amygdala is far reaching. Beyond fear, researchers have linked specific psychological outcomes with disproportions of the amygdala on the left and right side, including: anxiety disorders, borderline personality disorder, social and emotional intelligence, sexual orientation, and even political orientation. There is also research that suggests the amygdala is critical to long term memory consolidation. When a memory is associated with a heightened sense of emotion such as fear, studies have shown that we have better retention of that memory. This is why PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) can become such a hard psychological condition to reverse because the trauma is so deeply integrated, and conversely why something like the 50 Shades of Grey become so popular because they tap into the same psychological state through sexual taboo.

Anyone who has had sex in a public place, such as a dressing room at the mall, balcony of a hotel room, or in a dangerous location like on the edge of a cliff at a state park are tapping into the same deep seated memory recording process, albeit in a positive way. It is also why I’ll gesture some women like to play a cat-and-mouse game where they want to be a sexual victim despite obvious signs of interest and arousal because it heightens the intensity of the experience. Hair-pulling and public nudity aside, if you are an awkward white dude, you’ve probably read the signs wrong and she’s placing you comfortably in the friend zone. Just saying. But keep trying because she’ll probably like it.

Memories are critical to development of the sense of self, and ego. What is the ego after all other than a collection of memories? And if memories are more strongly integrated and retained by fear and pain, does the Buddha’s statement that ‘life is suffering’ not ring true? I got the sense that what attracts individuals to climbing free solo is that they are rewiring their brains by stimulating and inducing fear intentionally to light up their amygdala, and in the process helping to restore a sense of self in a positive way under their own volition by completing a successful climb.

Another common way people manage personal trauma is exemplified through the stereotypical ‘crazy cat lady.’ Due to her desire for affection and healing from bad relationships the ‘cat lady’ surrounds herself with animals that love unconditionally. Despite the fact all she wanted was to have a normal life, with a house, husband, and happy children the devotion to animals and mis-trust of people pushes her goals further away. By avoiding the darker realities of relationships and creating a perpetual safety net she is eventually overwhelmed by animals that become ever more in need, and an ever more consuming distraction. What the cat lady really needs is to experience that trauma by pulling off the band-aid and look at the wound so that she can see what it needs to heal. To experience it again on her own terms and in a way she can overcome it.

“I’ll take you down the only road I’ve ever been down
You know the one that takes you to the places where all the veins meet

No change, I can’t change, I can’t change, I can’t change“

–Bittersweet Symphony, The Verve

Imagine a life of deeply integrated memories where the pain and fear was intentionally chosen due to the hope and confidence we knew the experience was designed to restore. Watch the movie First Man, featuring Ryan Gosling, that chronicles the life and journey of astronaut Neil Armstrong, as he rises up through the NASA test pilot program to lead Project Gemini and Apollo missions through the first manned launches into space and ultimately lunar landing, and you’ll get a sense of the personal experiences you have to have to motivate you to achieve dangerous feats of perseverance. By the end of the movie he comes back destroyed, but he has changed and let go of something.

Seven of Rolling Stones Magazines top 10 songs of all time were copyrighted between 1965 – 1971 at the same time the U.S. was at the peak of the Apollo program, Vietnam War, and political upheaval. I do not think it was a coincidence.

The higher the risk and the greater the fear the more integrated the experience, and perhaps nothing should induce fear better than literally slipping and falling to your own death which is frequently used as a metaphor for the paralyzing experience fear can produce. Of course, for any rational person the probability must be weighed against the potential reward. Short of technological improvements in virtual reality that can simulate similar experiences safely, the real thing will have to do for now.

“Happiness
Something in my own place
I’m stood here naked
Smiling, I feel no disgrace
With who I am

But how many corners do I have to turn?
How many times do I have to learn
All the love I have is in my mind?

Well, I’m a lucky man
With fire in my hands“

–Lucky Man, The Verve

The movie, The Waterboy, features an overgrown mommas boy, who constantly finds himself in the services of others who use him for entertainment and amusement. Eventually, he finds himself in the hands of a genius coach who has handed over all of his greatest football plays to a talentless asshole who becomes the NCAAs most successful coach. By teaming up and supporting each other Bobby Boucher and Coach Klein dive back into their darkest fears and it motivates them to succeed.

“Momma’ says alligators are angry cuz they got all them teeth and no toothbrush.” – Bobby Boucher